Fandom Weirdness Part the Third

After nursing a beer for hours, Karen is trapped in a decades old car on the way to somewhere. Seriously, that’s where we’re at (and only took about 3K words to get there).

        “Jesus I think I heard of this.  The author who nearly published Kane dropped him because he criticized gay horror.

That must be it, and not say, due to being a writer as bad as Nikita.

She was staring into the darkness at this point, and in her mind were bugbears that were dark, surreal and wandered within her emotions.

So which is it her mind or emotions where the bugbears were running amok. No wonder she was staring into the darkness.

 They became infamous for the bullying they would do to self released authors

What have they got against authors who self release? It’s a part of being human! For Nick, it’s the only sex life he has. What? Self publishing? Ohhhhhh, never mind.

The diner was named for a publisher of razorwire fiction named Misty Bobe,

What diner isn’t named after a publisher? None? I thought so.Some definite Oedipublisher issues.

.  It had a lot of stone gargoyles and the atmosphere was that of a Horace Wapole novel

More name dropping instead of description! Drink!

.   Misty Bobe opened the diner to finance her magazine.

So she named it after herself? Could have said that in the first place. Oh, I forget that would actually make sense.

        “We’re here. This is where I get my inspirations for Real Weird

I guess pulling in, parking, getting out of the car and going in wasn’t hint enough they were there.

         “It looks like it was decorated by R.L. Stine,” she added.

Here we go again. For fucks sake man, is it Horace Wapole or R.L. Stine? Pick one, would ya?

from writers who like to scare people in the vein of Wes Craven’s New Nightmare,” Michael laughed as they entered the diner.

You’re not even trying now. Lazy is as lazy does.

        “I will give you a booth. Will that be smoking or non-smoking?” the waitress greeted them.

Is this a door prize? I’d prefer a non smoking booth, it lessens the chance of my ass catching fire.

She kept thinking she was stepping into the works of A.J. Poe and Nicholas Kane of they were co-writing a story together

Nope, just the deluded mind of a short, fat, closeted troll.

where ghosts of abortions torment a doctor after he finds God.

Because ghosts keep up on things like that.

“This place, it reminds me of the imaginations of the bloody pulps,” she inquires to the waitress.

Yes we know, you’ve mentioned it enough in half a page. Get on with the story.

 Karen was whistling the theme from R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps because she was getting the creeps from the atmosphere of the diner.

Lazy, unimaginative fucker.

        “So you know the nightmares that are within different fandoms then,” Karen relates as she looks at the copy of the fanzine.

Where’d he pull the fanzine from? His butt, like the rest of this drek?

        “They would harass Evangelical Christian writers.  They created pages about them and accuse them of monstrous things.  Then would try to fuck them out of publications,” he added.

Literally fuck them out of publications? Were they fornicating on a stack of Playboy?

One blogger called him a retard and he challenged this blogger to a fist fight,” Michael added as he was explaining the things he considered for the fanzine.

Retard was being kind. Very, very kind.

        “I think I heard about that, some editor who rejected one of his short stories calling it a work of fan fiction when it was Lovecraftian Horror,”

He probably meant it was crap. Again, being kind.

The author sent some angry e-mails to him and suggested he died of AIDS,” Karen responded.

Pretty sure the death certificate would list cause of death. And why would you send a dead man an email telling him what he may have died from? What? typo? There are those top notch editing skills.

        “The industry has its horror stories then,” Karen replied.

Of which Pacione is only one, sadly.

 “I noticed you have a weird fiction fanzine.  Mind of I take a look at it?” the waitress asked as she offered the check.

The dialog is breathtaking. Please take my breath away so I don’t have to read any more.

 “He smashed an editor’s car with a sledgehammer charging $10 per hit,”

Can we just smash him for free? It would certainly improve the value of the neighborhood.

“He did even more notorious things.  He took a massive shit on a rival editor’s photograph and uploaded the aftermath.  S.E. Cox

leaked one of his rejected stories

I know I feel like I’m reading massive shit.

Though we leave the fair Karen in a diner, fear not her fate will be determined in tomorrow’s exciting (doubtful) conclusion!

Fandom Weirdness Critique Part Deux (deux deux more like it)

When last we left our noble heroine Karen Hintz,  she was being propositioned by a sexually confused Mary Sue. Let’s peek in and see what happens next! I’m sure it will be uber darkity dark!

        “I don’t mind having a beer.”

That’s pretty much a necessity for everyone. Drink up! I’ll wait.

 “Have you ever experienced Déjà vu?” Michael asked as he cracked the top of the beer bottle.

Every time I read Peaches work I do. And aren’t there better ways of opening a bottle than cracking it? Seems a bit…dangerous.

It was a few hours later when Michael finished his beer and smoked his last cigarette.

A few hours for one beer?!? Lightweight.

“I am going to a diner to get something to eat. You are welcomed to join me.”

First beer, now dinner. The phrase wine me, dine me, 69 me comes to mind. I wish it hadn’t.

   In her mind it was a dark surreal imagination of what she would do with an actor she worshipped thinking what kind of nightmare she could dream up – it was a surreal place that is fandom and the writers like A.J. Poe who would get pissed when he sees his characters into situations that are truly bastardized

I’ve read directions on how to assemble IKEA furniture that made more sense. I mean seriously, what does this mean? I wonder if he had a stroke (not THAT kind you naughty minded people) while writing this?

 They walked over to Michael’s 1980 Cutlass Supreme and drove somewhere to grab a bite.

I’ve been to somewhere, they make a great apple pie. Also, a damn fine cup of coffee.

Michael spoke that the world of fandom is a weird, dark place where stalkers would lift the concepts and plots of original horror writers and do unauthorized stories based on the storylines of the original tale.

Exactly what the closeted Pacione does, though he writes it so incoherently you would never guess everything he’s done has ripped off the best writers around.

“They actually put a curse on the original author because they caught them stealing his concepts and title for a story similar and making the character he created into something they are not,”

I would think having to read this is curse enough. Or enough to make you curse, one or the other.

“Jesus, I think I heard of this blogger.  He is part of the circle that would lift the author’s characters to pick on his work,” she responded

Even worse, part of that circle that repeats the same thoughts and phrases to pad a word count.

        “The horror community wanted to draw and quarter him because he wrote that one.  It caused shit storm among the horror circles, the mass market counterparts would edit his comments to make him look like a homosexual fan fiction writer of sit-com fandoms,” he continued as he drove.

Mary Sue has a far higher opinion of herself than anyone else does, including family.

        “They wanted to draw and quarter him with semi-trucks

Yeah, I saw The Hitcher too. Great movie. I should watch that instead.

        “The horror stories of the small press wander around all the time

Much like the Island of Lost Toys, these lonely, abandoned stories wandering around. At least they’re safe from Pacione’s greasy mitts there.

 “He was a writer who voiced a hard line view in the industry.  A writer of all male romance take on horror

Also Nick’s favorite subject, fancy that.

People on a site called Somethingawful.com would lift him and write fan fiction passing him off as a flaming homosexual,”

I think he does a pretty good job of that himself.

 

And now we leave our heroine stuck in a 33 year old car with a stroke victim who can’t close the deal as his homosexuality emerges. Maybe something exciting will happen in Part III. Something, anything. Please.

 

Fandom Weirdness by Nickolaus Pacione – A Critique Part 1

I also could have called this “Everything I’ve ignored in Strunk & White is in this bowel movement of a story” and be just as accurate. While the entire piece is 6200 words (but feels a good deal longer), I’m going to concentrate on the first page for now. There’s only so much I can take before I feel my will to live slowly leave.

Karen Hintz was noticed regularly on her blog

well, it’s her blog, I would hope she would be noticed. And yes, that’s how it starts.

        She didn’t know that she was about to step into nightmares imagined by author, Richard Matheson, and they were going to take her into dark emotional places.

She also didn’t know she would be the main character in a story so ineptly written, so devoid of anything resembling coherence, that even Richard Matheson couldn’t save it.

        When she stepped away from the word processor, outside of her door was a stranger with an invitation – it was a strange occurrence

Certainly much preferable to reading this story. I envy her.

.  But the stranger was one who could pass for a character in an Edgar Allan Poe short story.

And famous writer mention 2. When you have so little imagination or talent, you always have to mention far better writers. Then I have to wonder why I’m not reading them instead of this turd blossom.

. While racing her fingers across the keyboard she felt there was a darkness plaguing her, and e-mails from pissed off horror writers because she was doing fucked up things to their characters.

Not as fucked up as this I’m sure. I wonder if fictional characters can sue their creators for torture?

        “You took two of his characters and wrote them into an all male romance plot,”  the person commenting is named Hellen Willow, no relation to the ex-gay that a small press publisher published in the pages of his magazine.

Here begins the authors fascination with homosexuality and his trying to come out of the closet. I think, hard to tell what he means in all of that.

        “No you are dealing with a controversial born again Christian who writes with dark spiritual warfare themes,” Hellen typed to her in an instant message.

Not sure how she went to instant messaging from a comment as Pacione doesn’t say anything about that. As stated earlier, coherence and logic are not strong suit.

It was about an hour later when the door bell rang.
“Just a minute, I am coming down.”

Was she upstairs? Or was she coming off some sort of medication? Perhaps that explains her dark feelings.

“Are you interested in summing something that no one will fathom?” he had asked with some dark curiosity

Then he hands her a copy of this, a story as unfathomable as you can get.

        “Nicholas Kane, the author of the story Spectral Exile – a story about a nightclub that fucked up things happened in there.  It was compared to Hell House,” Michael replied.

Ahh Hell House, a fantastic read, wish I had that instead. Also -100 points Slytherin for gratuitous and subliminal mention of far better work.

        “The blogger lifted this story’s idea and made it sexual,” he added.
“Would you like to come in?”

Is that a pass she’s making? We’ll have to wait until part two!

The Porcine Predator Pacione Returns

Well he never really left, but since November of 2010, he’d pretty much ignored me. That was fine, as his homophobic vitriol, threats, and insults were a time sink that could be better served to being productive. However, despite my attempts to ignore him, he’s seen fit to pop up on my radar once again, so here I am, taking him to task.

He started with giving my novella Barbed Wire Kisses a one star review on GoodReads, along with a hate filled review in which he admitted he hadn’t read it. Rightfully, it was deleted by the admins and the unwashed heap of dung was banned. Again. He then one starred it with an equally homophobic review filled with personal attacks on Amazon. Unfortunately Amazon doesn’t seem to care and repeated requests to have it removed have been ignored. 

That’s fine, it hasn’t hurt my sales, and I had some very nice people defending me in the comments of his “review”. Scattered around this site are some comments from him that I edited for clarity, and today I received another missive on writerscafe, which states,

I don’t want the genre molested with the goddamned faggotry.  Shut up and let me do my anthologies in peace.  Your novel is a piece of shit.  I published better than that.

 

This is typical for Nikita. He attacks those who have a vastly superior talent to his. He’ll curse, threaten, stamp his feet, hold his breath and play victim all the while engaging in activity he accuses everyone else of. 

It would be amusing were it not for the fact he threatens to rape peoples wives while they watch, yell people to fuck the ashes of a dead relative, tries to lure underage girls to model, and is so deluded he thinks he can actually write and edit. This has gone on for years. My old blog, raingods.wordpress.com is chock full of posts concerning his behavior. 

He hates everything and everyone who doesn’t think he’s a genius (despite a low double digit IQ) but most of all he hates himself. And who can blame him for that? He has a history of violence, is not allowed to see his son, and yet expects to be treated like he is a peer.

He has absolutely no concept of how to write a story, and dialog is beyond his comprehension. The fact he thinks my novella is shit is a compliment, as it tells me I’ve done something right. 

He hates everyone who is better than him, and everyone is light years beyond his ability. Even Twilight is Shakespeare compared to his near illiterate tales. He cites many excellent authors as an inspiration but hasn’t displayed any of their exceptional gifts. 

Pacione is a fraud. He parades around as if he’s taken seriously, yet gets banned and kicked from literally every site he ever logged into. For anyone unfortunate enough to come into contact with him, run! Do not send him any of your stories, there are far more worthwhile and legitimate publishers who would gladly publish you.

All he will do is drag you down with him. 

 

A Return to Form

I was quite content to let this blog remain dormant; having said all I wanted or needed to say about the nitwits, it was time for me to move on. Rusty, Cussedness and everyone else have been doing a great job in dealing with everyone and it allowed me to continue with my career.

For those who haven’t been over to my current blog (99.5% nitwit free!), I’ll recap quickly what I’ve been up to. This time last year a former friend and I started Bandersnatch Books. In April of last year I took over the company in a rather abrupt attempt to keep it from going down the toilet-which is the direction it was headed. Those not involved chose to think of it as a dick move, while others wanted to play at revisionist history. I simply went on with business and after some initial turmoil was able to get back on track. We’ve released T.M. Wright’s “The People on the Island” and will be releasing K.H. Koehler’s “The Dreadful Doctor Faust” in a couple of weeks. I’ve put together an anthology of weird western stories chock full of award winning writers which will be out early next year, as well as sold my novella “Barbed Wire Kisses” to Skullvines Press (due out in 2011).

So I’ve been busy. I’ve generally stayed away from the nitwits and tried to be more productive with my time knowing others were fighting the good fight. Even La Femme Nikita’s rants were nothing more than a distraction. Yet now I find myself having to set the little nitwit that never could straight (so to speak), about a few things. Because I suck at taking screen shots, I’ll simply cut and paste all relevant posts, which you can find here, before Matt the Boy wonder can swoop in with his +3 scissors of Nitwit enabling and cuts the thread: http://shocklinesforum.yuku.com/topic/16903?page=2.

Since Nikita began the thread backpedaling on his “pen name” Lloyd, after spending months trying to convince everyone he was a real person, and attacking everyone in sight doing so, I thought I would have some fun and post the cover for Karen’s upcoming release and adding that Nikita should meet the Dreadful Doctor Faust. Nikita responded thusly:

Colbert — I like the opposite sex and only the opposite sex. Would it kill you to find yourself a woman once in a while?

Well the fact is it doesn’t kill me at all Peaches. See, I can find woman who not only a) find me attractive but also b) enjoy my friendship. I don’t slander women, refer to them as “fucking cunts”, call them whores, and other misogynistic epithets. I respect and love women. I just don’t want to sleep with them.  I find it rather amusing he thinks I’m trying to set up a sexual encounter with a fictional character-though that’s something he’s certainly used to I imagine.

Also I am addressing Black Death Books, Bandersnatch Books and Skullvines Press — if you don’t have anything of value to say on this thread get out of the thread because all you’re doing are being snarky little pricks.  Now you may go crawl into the world where you have your heads shoved up your ass.

Kudos for spelling Bandersnatch correctly, it’s not something everyone does.  However, no one under the Bandersnatch account made any comments in your preciousssssessss thread. My posts were as myself, and not representing my company.

Now Colbert I didn’t say that on here, didn’t I. Yeah you’re reading between the lines. The reason I admit that I am Lloyd Campbell now is because some troll kidnapped the pen name and trying to pass him off as a half-naked idiot with a unicorn fetish.  I wanted to make people think Lloyd was a different person because I really guised up my style as him.  People in the magazine actually thought he was a different person, well that’s part of being a pen name in that sense of the word — when the troll started lifting him for blurbs on plagiarized titles that is when it was time to let it all lay on the table so to speak.

Uhm, yeah Nikita you’ve not only said it on Shocklines but damn near every place that hasn’t banned you yet.  And here’s a hint, you can take any pen name you want, but you’re awful writing skills ooze through no matter what. Rearranging a turd to make it look like a snickers doesn’t make it one.

Colbert — the last time I got some action was in 2008. It wasn’t ten years, in fact it was only two. I will not mention names of the woman because I am not the kind of guy who would boink and tell.  I get letters from females all the time asking me to date them from time to time.  That’s the fun in being a bachelor author.

Which if I’m not mistaken was the time you posted a screencap showing your search for sleepsacks. You won’t “boink” and tell because there was no woman two years ago. If there had been we would have seen the police reports by now. I get letters saying I can be a millionaire as well, doesn’t make it so.
It’s nice to have Cynical, Solkirk and dogpoet say nice things about me (which i won’t cut and paste out of modesty :P) and they’re far more trustworthy in their poinion than Nikita ever could.
So, I hope this clears somethings up Nikita. I know you hate hearing the truth, but there it is.
And for those interested in what I’m up to writing wise, check out www.scottcolbert.com.

Nikita loses his leash…

And boy has he been on a tear the past few days. Obviously those who have been restricting his internet access are away, or maybe he put them all in sleepsacks, who knows. He’s been all over Rusty’s blog, and apparently thinks I’m bullying him. http://therustynail.wordpress.com/2009/05/14/more-comment-lurve/.

As I stated in my comment there, I’ve never threatened to roundhouse kick anyone, beat anyone up, or kill them; three things he’s said to myself and others. Now, that sounds more like bullying to me. Now I’ve tried to ignore the Legion of Nitwits for awhile. It takes time away from my writing, job search and World of Warcraft.  I’m waist deep in research on my novel, working on another couple of interviews, and trying to get a poem put together for an upcoming anthology. I’m busy, and don’t have time for the likes of Pacione, Dagstine and the ominously quiet Philbin. Add in health issues in my family, some high drama as well, and I have a full plate. Yet, I had to at least address La Femme Nikita’s accusation of my being a bully, because frankly, it’s laughable. 

I may be bellicose (look it up Nikita), when it comes to opinions on things, but I’ve never bullied anyone. I’ve never threatened anyone, and certainly never made a rude comment about someone’s mother. Nikita has. 

I’ve never told anyone to drink bleach. Nikita has.

I’ve also never told anyone to masturbate with a harpoon gun. Again, Nikita has.

All I’ve ever done, is point out the sheer awful quality of Nikita’s writing, as have others. When he gets personal (like the time he talked about pissing in my dead ex boyfriend’s urn), I’ve responded.  I don’t go out of my way to do anything, he invites it. 

So Nikita, were you feeling ignored lately? Well, get used to it, as being ignored is something you should be used to by now.

And for the record, if you want to learn something about writing Nikita, I suggest reading my interview with T.M. Wright in Apex Magazinehttp://www.apexbookcompany.com/apex-online/2009/05/apex-interrogation-tm-wright/. That’s right, Apex. A place you’ll never, ever come within a breath of being published.

Nikita Wants to Get Physical With Me

He left a message here, http://raingods.wordpress.com/2009/02/26/la-femme-nikita-stand-his-groundo/ if you want to read the entire blog he rants about. I will however answer response again, and therefore quote his entire message.

Listen good you queer, You don’t run my life and quit acting like you do. I will pay no mind to beat your ass in. You call me the pussy because I don’t take to gays lightly. You need yourself a nice hot woman to break your anger towards me. What’s wrong no woman in your life — that’s right you became a homo when no woman would go near you. What would you do if I had a new girlfriend harass her too as you are starting to harass my friends

Okay, I’ll listen good Nikita, even though you never say  anything worth hearing. First, it’s apparent, you have no life, otherwise you wouldn’t be pretending to be a writer, publisher or that you had/have Bell’s Palsy. Even your doctor said you didn’t have that. Second, I have no interest in running the life of a witless, barely literate man-child, and even if I did, I’d do a lot better than you ever would, or could.  My calling you a pussy has nothing to do with your rampant homophobia, besides we all know, you dream of dick. And no you can’t suck mine. As for no woman going near me, project, much? When was the last time you had sex, let alone a g/f that you didn’t have to either blow up or tie up in a sleep sack to keep them from running?

The chances of you ever having a g/f are the same chances of a snowbal surviving an AZ summer for 5 minutes. Slim to none. And if there were some girl dimwitted and ignorant enough to be your g/f, it’s obvious she has problems and Adult Protective Services would have to be called.

As I said in another post. You’re irrelevant, and we’re here to remind you of that, everytime you sneak on the internet and make threats of violence, and expose your homophobia.

Nikita’s Irrelevancy

When you get down to it, that’s what he is irrelevant. Irrelevant to writing, to publishing, to anything having to do with creativity. He won’t even be obscure, as that would connotate some type of infamy. When Nikita goes to that POD in the sky, no one will remember him.

No one will weep, nor will anyone mourn his demise. The best he can hope for is someone saying, “Who?”

He’s demonstrated time and time again, that he is incapable of being a writer, publisher, or even a decent human being.  and yet he thinks he actually has a career. He actualy thinks people take him seriously, that his “magazines” and “anthologies” are anything more than basketweaving to keep the mentally ill occupied.

it also cut my authors deep too.

Are these the same authors you haven’t paid? Or the ones you tru to screw out of thumbdrives in order to have them submit to your self published crap throwing?

I am keeping my hostility off lulu.com because it is not worth losing my account over.

Yes, something to be proud of, there. God knows, self publishing is the only way to get your incoherent ramblings published.

The fact is Nikita, no one will ever care about, let alone buy, all the awful crap you put out. That’s evidenced by your last “signing” when you couldn’t even give anything away.

Now, if you spent more time actually learning how to write,  taking your meds, and being a good boy, not to mention stop being a douche bag, maybe you could get something sold. I doubt it, because teaching you how to write is like teaching a pig to sing, but hey stranger things have happened.

It doesn’t matter though, Nikita. no matter what you say or do, you will never be relevant, read, or respected. you will however always be retarded.

La Femme Nikita’s Return…

We all knew it was bound to happen sooner or later; you can’t keep a good nitwit down for long-at least not on the interwebz.  Nikita has a new blog post up, and really the first sentence sums it all up:

Those of you who are adding to the stigma that I can’t do anything with my illness, I have two words and they are strong enough words already, FUCK YOU. 

Well, it’s not the illness: we know some things are out of control, it’s  talent, imagination, an ability to be productive that you can’t do anything with. His rambling goes on to talk about Blagojovich, Rusty and the usual suspects. 

Goons get what goons deserve if you ask me

Well, no one asked you, but having your AC articles pulled, your lulu storefront shut down, as well as being banned from various boards and blogs, I guess you did get what you deserve. 

Some people just never learn.


Depression

In 1990 I was diagnosed with major depression, recurrent. It was during a 10 day psychiatric stay that I found out about this, and that wanting to kill yourself on a daily basis wasn’t normal thinking. That may be overstating it a bit, as I wasn’t continually suicidal, but the depression was always overwhelming.  It was difficult to get out of bed, let alone go to work or be productive.

And it was then I bought into my first myth of depression. Labeled as an SMI (serious mental illness), I blamed all my problems on depression, and its attendant problems. However, simply being on meds wasn’t enough for an effective change.  It certainly smoothed out rough patches, but life was still not easy. The fact I was also fighting a neverending battle with alcohol and drugs didn’t help either.

In 1992/93 I was hospitalized again, and this time I applied for and received SSI. For the next 7 years I lived on 540 dollars a month. The depression grew worse. Even with meds, med changes and all that goes with a public healthcare system (rated as one of the worst in the country at the time) I felt no better than I did in 1990.

A chance meeting in 1997 at an AA group led to my first job since ’90. The benefit of working and staying on meds did more to improve my mood than anything. I was able to get off SSI, work and try and restart a life that never really took off. I was 32.

In the following 11 years, I’ve maintained employment, apartments, some relationships and a bit of sanity. I no longer let the depression control me. More accurately, I don’t let societies ideas of what being mentally ill is, control me. I stopped buying into the lie that I couldn’t be productive. That relationships were a dream, and happiness unreachable.

When someone like Pacione blames their own illnesses for asshole behavior, they do a disservice to those of us who choose to fight our problems the right way. Those of us who understand the debilitation of depression, and march forward are being shat on by his ilk. They seem to think they can do no wrong because it’s the “disease”.

My depression has exacerbated other shortcomings, which makes every day an uphill fight. But I don’t give up. I don’t back down.

Mostly importantly I train the demon, it doesn’t train me. I choose my own path, make my own decisions, and in the end have no one to blame for failures but myself.